Well, one thing has been clearly established: I’m bad at writing dating site profiles. So, in an effort to improve my results, I sent my previous profile to dating coach Valerie “Love Doctor” Hart [I know, right?]. Here’s her feedback:
I’ve had a chance to read the profile you sent, and I definitely have some good suggestions on how you can do a better job putting your best foot forward.
First, I want to say that I get it. I see what you did there. The whole conceit of an FAQ response to clichéd dating site questions was both highly creative and entertaining. But I think your effort is a bit misguided: you’re operating under the assumption that to stand out from the crowd you should write a profile which serves to reflect your personality. You’re irreverent and unconventional, so you wrote a profile which reflected that. Problem is that nobody cares. Breaking convention confusing to your prospective dates who are expecting to read a rundown of your positive qualities. And humor taken too far comes off as insincerity. Since you’re witty and intelligent, simply state so in your profile don’t actually try to demonstrate that you are those things *with* your profile. Being creative is a great thing, but your profile isn’t the right place to display it. Instead you might want to mention something about your “love of photography” (but avoid mentioning anything about F-Stops or any of that technical stuff). I know, I know, it’s...ironic to try to define one’s uniqueness through strict adherence to convention, but no one other than you cares about the irony. Your prospective date needs to know that you know how to behave normally around normal people, so if you just have to manifest something in your profile, manifest that. And ease off on the self-deprecation: assiduously avoid acknowledging that you possess any but the most benign faults. Remember: best foot forward!
Besides, how’s your way working for you? I mean, if your inbox was packed with responses from the ladies, you wouldn’t have had a reason to contact me, right? You’ve actually received hate mail in response to your profile. What more do you need to figure out that there’s something very wrong with your approach?
So, cut the crap. Stop being such a Smirky McSmirkpants. Write a new profile wherein you state that you’re funny, but also serious you like to go out, but you also like snuggling on the couch you like all music, except for (pick two genres). Thread the needle: don’t appear to possess the wrong amount of any particular quality so as to avoid scaring off the ladies. That’s the key to success! You might also want to change your stats to add a couple of inches to your height, and report a high[er] income. Just sayin’.
Wow! Pretty scathing, no? I’d like to thank Ms. Hart for her critique. I’ll get right on that new profile